Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind … 4-5-2020

~ I’m not fat … I’m just under-tall for my weight.

~ I once quit a job as a psychic due to unforeseen circumstances.

~ I find it sad that we live in a world where we’ll add a word to the dictionary if stupid people use it enough.

~ If you don’t wash your hair for weeks it starts to clean itself. I can now personally attest this is not the case with underwear.

~ To me, the cowbell isn’t just an instrument … it’s a lifestyle.

~ I went by the gym today. Its still there.

~ I wish life gave me lemons instead of depression and anxiety.

~ I had a nightmare last night that competitive pizza eating isn’t a real sport.

~ If you put a Kardashian crotch near your ear you can hear an NBA game.

~ Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money …

~ I’m the picture of mental stability … IF that picture was drawn by a 3-year-old with ADHD and a broken crayon.

~ There is a better than 88% chance my chalk outline will be holding some kind of food.

~ It was like no one in the library wanted to hear me sing yesterday.

~ Thank god for new people who don’t know what’s wrong with me yet.

~ The thug life … but with a bendy straw.

~ If you can afford to pay for a life coach, then you probably don’t need a life coach.

~ Why do people say they were “sick to their stomach” as if I needed clarification … like they might’ve been “sick to their leg” or something.

~ The day we decided such footwear would be called “flip-flops” was not our most creative moment.

~ Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful … not when I have so many other choices.

~ I am a ray of sunshine to some folks … in the sense that long-term exposure to me will slowly kill you.

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