Weird Ramblings From A Warped Mind … 8-5-2019

~ OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) has been penciling in her eyebrows ever since my great, “Don’t use too much lighter fluid” incident of 2001.

~ The majority of my posts will make you regret that you ever even learned to read.

~ My apologies to everyone who’s been hurt by my behavior. If I could do things over, I would do everything in my power to not get caught.

~ I normally don’t say sorry, but when I do I don’t mean it. And I’m sorry for that.

~ Most people are too emotionally stable for my taste.

~ So I found out today that pushing my boobs together will not help ME get out of a ticket …

~ A little known tidbit for you: Earth day is named after Paul Earth, who discovered the Earth in 1847.

~ Hold a door for a lady and you’re a gentleman. Hold a REVOLVING door for a lady and you’re a DICK … or according to this lady I have trapped at the moment.

~ When my time comes, I’ll probably go doing what I loved … eating unidentifiable leftovers just to get them out of the fridge.

~ At my age, I can’t bust a move any more. I can dent a move. Maybe scratch it up a little. And I could probably chip a move if I have to.

~ I’m not saying I struggled with mathematics in high school, but you couldn’t have added all my math test scores together and gotten an A.

~ My Hickville Holler (Pop 2) TrailerHood neighbor’s four-year-old likes testing me … but today I was surprised when it involved a #2 pencil, a scantron answer sheet, and questions on the Civil War.

~ Back in high school, I spent so much time in the principal’s office I kept a picture of my family on his desk.

~ I can either be part of the problem … or part of some other problem.

~ I have GOT to lose some weight. I tried getting up off the couch yesterday and ended up rocking myself to sleep.

~ It never fails … anytime OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) and I have an argument, she always remembers stuff I haven’t even done yet.

~ A girl smiled at me on the street today and said life was a miracle and she hoped I was having a great day. It almost made me feel bad telling her to STHU.

597,842

Advertisement